This is how heartbreak works.

You’ll wake up every morning feeling that unbearable pain in your chest. Your body started to tremble, you’re starting to cry again. You are trying to control not to let go of those tears, but they just have to come out because they’re too deep to be just in there. You’ll stay lying in your bed, hugging the same wet pillow who witnessed all the heartaches you’ve felt. You don’t wanna eat. You don’t wanna go out. You don’t wanna live.

Your sweet dreams turned out to nightmares. You’ll cry in the middle of your sleep, shouting at someone not to leave you alone. Begging for someone who won’t come back to you anymore. You’ll suddenly wake up in the middle of the night, only hearing the ticking of the clock and your loud, painful heartbeat. You’ll sob until you realized that the sun is already up again. You’ll push yourself back into your bed and grab your hair in full disgust. You now hate yourself more than you hate him.

You take all the mirrors out of your room. Not caring about yourself anymore. You don’t care how messy your hair is, or how dark are those marks around your eyes. You don’t wanna look at yourself again, thinking that you are too ugly that’s why he left you behind and find someone else. It feels like everything about you is very disgusting. Beauty left you and nothing was left, not even a tiny bit. You can’t control thinking that way because you’ve done everything just to look beautiful into his eyes but he still chose to leave you. How you wish that you were just swallowed by the ground, with all those heartache and ugliness that you possess.

Time had already stopped and you don’t wanna move. You just wanna stay lying into your bed, blinking your eyes over and over again, as tears came rushing down like rainfalls on a rainy season. Blood are still running normally into your veins but you had already loosen your grip to the life that was once so colorful and full of love. Your heart was broken and you just can’t deal with that. Not JUST like that. It ain’t easy. You don’t wanna kill yourself because the pain is more than enough to kill you. It feels like a thousand stab of a knife on your chest is just a piece of cake of the one word rejection he said in front of your face. Horrible as its name, heartbreak is not just a simple experience.